Breaking the taboo: Why you need to talk money with your partner

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Are you both on the same financial page?

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Few topics are off limits these days. And yet the taboo against talking about money seems to be alive and thriving in many relationships.

Although some might view the money taboo as more a matter of privacy (or good manners), the reality is that most couples can’t afford to not talk about money—especially because there’s so much to gain by opening up.

Whatever the reasons, the research clearly indicates that many couples are not in sync when it comes to their finances. Most partners—nearly nine in 10—say they communicate well about finances, according to Fidelity’s 2024 Couples & Money Study. Yet significant gaps remain in what couples actually agree on.

In the same survey:

This echoes similar findings from other studies, such as a 2022 OnePoll survey on behalf of Questis, which found that 56% of respondents still think talking about money is taboo (although, interestingly, 81% didn’t know where the taboo came from). And people were split almost 50/50 on whether they were likely to talk about money with a spouse or partner.

There are plenty of factors that can influence whether you and your partner talk about money, including:

If you grew up in a culture that overall was open about finances—or not—that plays a role, too.

Now multiply all those issues by two. When one spouse or partner has one set of experiences or beliefs, and the other partner doesn’t share them, that can create conflict, avoidance, embarrassment, or secrecy. None of which are good for your money or your marriage.

Not knowing basics like your partner’s salary, or their views on retirement, can hamstring your long-term financial plan. If one or both partners aren’t sharing their financial habits, fears, hopes, and goals, it’s going to be difficult for a couple to plan effectively, address life’s inevitable hurdles, and make progress together.

Fortunately, there are some bright spots that indicate the money taboo could be crumbling, as people realize both the need for better communication and the benefits of being more open with each other. For example, although a third of couples felt that the pandemic added to their financial stress, according to the Couples & Money survey, about a third also admitted the pandemic had helped them to be more open about day-to-day money matters, as well as planning ahead.

A stronger financial connection is no doubt good for your finances, and it may also help your relationship. A 2022 study of couples who pooled their money—meaning they didn’t keep separate accounts—found these couples reported greater satisfaction in their relationships and were less likely to break up. Although the researchers didn’t examine couples’ financial communication styles, the merging of money requires a degree of honesty and trust that may be beneficial emotionally and economically.

Is there still an actual taboo about discussing money, and does it creep into some relationships? Even in our supposedly modern tell-all era, it does seem that many couples aren’t always candid about their finances. But there are also signs that old norms and expectations are being challenged—in a good way. After all, the more honest you can be about your goals and your problems with your partner, the easier it is to come up with solutions that help you both move toward your dreams.