polyamory
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What is polyamory?
Polyamory is when someone has or wants multiple intimate relationships at the same time, with everyone involved knowing and agreeing to it. It's different from polygamy, swinging, or open relationships, where the rules and intentions can be different. Polyamory isn't a sexual orientation, but some people see it as a key part of their identity. Anyone, no matter their gender or sexual orientation, can be polyamorous.
There are many ways to practice polyamory. Some relationships are hierarchical, where some partners have priority over others, while others are nonhierarchical, where all partners are equal. Polyfidelity is a type of polyamory where everyone involved is exclusively dating each other. Solo polyamory is when someone prefers to be independent and have multiple relationships without a primary partner.
Although the term "polyamorous" is relatively new, the lifestyle has been around for much longer. It has become more popular recently with the help of the internet, but people in polyamorous relationships still face discrimination, and there aren't many legal protections for them yet.
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How is polyamory different from monogamy?
Monogamy is a relationship custom where a person is legally married to only one spouse at a time. Polyamory involves having multiple intimate relationships simultaneously with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Unlike polygamy, which is having more than one spouse, polyamory is not necessarily about marriage. Polyamorous relationships can be nonsexual, and participants can experience jealousy, similar to monogamous relationships. Polyamory gained popularity in the early 21st century due to the Internet and dating apps, but discrimination against polyamorous people remains common, with few legal protections in place.
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What types of relationships can exist in polyamory?
In polyamory, diverse relationship types exist, each defined by its own structure and dynamics. Hierarchical polyamory prioritizes certain partners over others, often distinguishing between primary, secondary, and tertiary relationships. Nonhierarchical or egalitarian polyamory values all relationships equally.
Polyfidelity involves exclusive relationships among a group of three or more people, while solo polyamory emphasizes independence, where individuals maintain multiple intimate relationships without a primary partner.
Relationship interactions can range from "kitchen table" polyamory, where partners are closely connected, to "parallel" polyamory, where partners have minimal contact with each other. These arrangements highlight the flexibility and individual needs that shape polyamorous connections.
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How do people communicate and set rules in polyamorous relationships?
In polyamorous relationships, communication and rule-setting are vital, requiring the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Establishing rules and boundaries that suit the needs of the group is key, making each relationship unique. These stipulations might cover the pursuit of additional partners, acceptable romantic or sexual activities, or the number of partners allowed.
Interaction styles vary from "kitchen table" polyamory, where partners know each other and may share meals, to "parallel" polyamory, where partners have minimal contact with each other's partners. Polyamory can be hierarchical, with primary, secondary, or tertiary partners, or nonhierarchical, where no partner is given preference.
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What are some challenges polyamorous people might face in society?
Polyamorous individuals may encounter discrimination due to the limited acceptance of their lifestyle. As the term "polyamorous" is relatively new, dating back to the 1970s, legal protections and considerations for unmarried polyamorous partners are lacking. Despite the increasing popularity of polyamory, facilitated by the Internet and dating apps, it is still not widely accepted. This lack of acceptance can lead to various challenges in social and legal contexts.
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How is polyamory viewed in different cultures or communities?
Polyamory's acceptance varies across cultures. While the term emerged in the 1970s, the lifestyle has a longer history, with some 19th-century U.S. communes practicing group relationships. The rise of the internet has increased its visibility, yet discrimination remains, and legal protections are lacking for unmarried polyamorous partners.
Most marriages throughout history have been between a man and a woman, but same-sex marriage has gained acceptance and legality in some countries in the 21st century. Some cultures allow polygamy, most commonly polygyny, where a man marries multiple women, while polyandry, a woman marrying multiple men, is rare. Certain cultures also show preferences for spouses' relationships, like cross-cousin marriages.
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polyamory, having or desiring multiple intimate relationships at the same time with the full knowledge and consent of all parties involved. Polyamory is not to be confused with other types of consensual nonmonogamy such as polygamy, having more than one spouse; swinging or partner swapping, in which couples have casual sexual encounters with other couples; or other types of open relationships in which both partners agree to see other people casually. Polyamory is considered by some practitioners to be a core part of their sexual identity but is not itself a sexual orientation. People of all genders and sexual orientations may engage in polyamory.
There are many ways to be polyamorous. Establishing rules and boundaries that are amenable to a couple or a group plays a key role in polyamory, and as such each relationship can be as unique as required to suit the needs of those involved. Polyamory does not preclude a person from getting married (though in many countries being married to more than one person is illegal), from having or raising children (alone or with a partner or partners), or from cohabitating with one or more partners. Being in a polyamorous relationship does not mean that cheating on one’s partner is impossible; many polyamorous relationships include stipulations about who may be additionally pursued as a metamour (a term for a partner’s partner with whom one is not involved), what romantic or sexual activities can take place outside the partnership in question, or how many additional partners are allowed, for example. There is a popular misconception that polyamory is all about sex, but polyamory is possible with nonsexual romantic relationships as well as sexual ones, and the degree to which sex plays a role in a relationship is, as in any other relationship, determined by those engaged in the relationship. Another common misconception is that people in polyamorous relationships do not experience jealousy, but this is also untrue for many if not most participants.
In hierarchical polyamory, certain partners are considered to have priority over others. A person might have a “primary” partner and a “secondary” or even “tertiary” partner or partners. A primary partner is generally the partner one spends most of their time with, and may even live with or be married to. Secondary or tertiary partners are not necessarily cared for any less but may be seen less frequently.
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In nonhierarchical polyamory, no partner is given preference over the others. They may spend equal amounts of time together or participate equally in making major decisions, such as having children or buying a house. This situation is also sometimes called egalitarian polyamory.
Polyfidelity is a type of polyamorous relationship in which three or more people are involved in an exclusive relationship or relationships and do not date outside the group. In a group of three, for instance, all three people might be involved with each other, or one may have a relationship with each of the other two who are not involved with each other and additionally do not see anyone else.
Solo polyamory is a situation in which a person prefers to remain independent and forms multiple intimate relationships but does not have a primary partner or wish to cohabitate or get married or co-parent with a partner.
There are also terms to describe the various types of interaction preferred in polyamorous relationships. In “kitchen table” polyamory, the partners are interested in knowing each other and may have meals together. In “parallel” polyamory, partners do not know or have very little contact with partners’ partners.
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“Polyamorous” as a term has only existed since the 1970s, but polyamory as a lifestyle and an identity has a longer history. A handful of communes in the United States in the 19th century practiced group relationships or marriages. “Free love” communes of the 1960s and ’70s practiced similarly, though the AIDS virus in the 1980s ushered in an era of increased apprehension around having multiple partners. In the early 21st century, polyamory gained popularity, thanks in part to the Internet and dating applications making it easier to network with like-minded people and to learn more about the lifestyle. This is not to say that polyamory is widely accepted; discrimination against people in polyamorous relationships is common, and there are as yet no legal protections or considerations in place for polyamorous partners who are unmarried.